magisteriaexe | (no subject)

(no subject)

Who: Musashi, Musashi, and Lucy
What: Before Tenma goes back to sleep, she decides to clear the air with Lucy.
Where: Musashi's apartment at Evergreen Terrace
When: Between Parts 1 and 2 of the event

It starts with a text to Lucy's aXess device, once everything has calmed down and the situation at the mall has been resolved (unfortunately, the metal guy got away, but the actions of several Otherworlders meant he didn't get everyone in the mall), and Phantom Cipher's transformations had been taken care of.

The username is a familiar one; Musashi often texts with memes she's found that amuse her or pictures of things she sees around Magisteria she thinks are cool or Lucy might want to investigate (it's a given Musashi will go with her), and even the occasional workout selfie. But the text of the message is clearly written by a stranger's hand. It just so happens this stranger wears the face of her friend.

Kushinada-san, I wondered if you might be willing to stop by the apartment. Oh, this is Tenma, if that wasn't clear! I was hoping we might have a sit down and talk since our first encounter wasn't, hmm, conducive to conversation. hahaha!

Don't be concerned, I'll be handing the reins back to your Musashi soon, and I think it would be nicer if she didn't wake up alone.

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It's been a long few days.

She wishes she didn't, but Lucy remembers all of the shit she did as the corrupted version of herself. The silver lining is that she didn't really hurt anybody, but she's pretty sure that's purely circumstantial. She could have. Easily. She just never got the chance.

The only hazy bit is the de-corruption part. Someone with a power granted to them by being A Big Fucking Hero or something, whatever, she'll thank them properly later. She'd cleaned up after herself the best she could, cutting people loose from the webs she'd threaded through the Entertainment District -- the Fractured, she'd left as is. The more information they're learning about them, the sorrier she's starting to feel for them, but they're still dangerous.

So. Here she is, back in her apartment, kind of hiding out from everything, when she gets a text from fucking Tenma.

Lucy's been... trying to avoid thinking about that topic, and failing miserably. She'd understood the concept when Musashi had explained it to her, but Musashi had made it sound like her Saber self would never take her place, like she was this whole other separate person. Except that Saber version has done exactly what Lucy had feared. Taking over Musashi like a ghost in the machine. Lucy's corrupted self had been fucking furious about it; this Lucy just feels lost, unmoored like she's suddenly lost her anchor in an unfamiliar sea.

She guesses she has no choice but to turn up at Musashi's apartment.

She rings the doorbell, and when the door opens, Lucy bites the inside of her cheek hard to stop herself from shifting expression. It's Musashi's face, Musashi's body, but totally different. That cocky, easy grin: gone. That bold, square-shouldered stance: gone. Lucy forces herself into indifference, like she's bored. Like she's not desperately vibrating inside with the hope that her Musashi really will return.

"I'm here. What do you want?"

"Come in, please." Tenma steps aside, allowing entry into the apartment. It's...very Musashi. It's a schizophrenic mishmash between Samurai-chic and your average Night City apartment. The walls have been reconfigured to look like the walls of a dojo or castle out of an old jidaigeki movie, but the furniture and appliances? Those are all modern. A small kitchenette rests in an alcove, while the living space has a slightly messy look to it. The living area set-up with its TV and couch is not too dissimilar to Lucy's own setup. A closed sliding door cordons off what is probably the bedroom.

And every inch of available wall-space is covered—covered—in pictures. Musashi has a real thing for landscapes, which is what most of the pictures are; a fair few are of desert landscapes (some of them feature cowboys on horseback), but there are pictures of bamboo forests, green valleys, street scenes of a Japanese castle town alive with people, modern cities at night. Whatever...this is takes up a large section of one wall. Most of the figures are indistinct, but Musashi herself features in a few of them. They often have the look of snapshots or candid moments caught on camera. She's obviously gotten pretty good at manipulating Magisterian photo-editing technology, to create these snippits of places she's been, worlds she's travelled to. And she's clearly been busy with it.

The box containing the miniature zen garden and its three swords positioned across it is open and on the coffee table; Tenma will have need of it shortly, and it's important Lucy knows about it and the role it played in the events surrounding her presence here.

"Please, have a seat. Is there something I can get for you to drink?" Musashi knows well enough what Lucy's drink of choice is and it's well-stocked in the fridge. But Tenma doesn't have that knowledge.

"I thought, for Musashi's sake, you were owed an explanation before I go. To avoid misunderstandings when she returns."

Edited 2024-12-20 06:42 (UTC)

Lucy's good at putting on a front. She's been skilled at it ever since her age hit double digits. And yet, when she walks into Musashi's apartment, her expression breaks.

It's the wall of photos that does it. She only catches glimpses of them -- she doesn't want to take the time to study them, not with Tenma here -- but she sees Musashi's beaming face staring out at her. The place is kind of chaotic in the most Musashi way ever, even incorporating some pieces that could have come straight from Night City because Musashi's been so interested in where she came from despite Lucy's insistence that it's a shithole, and--

Tenma's voice breaks in, and Lucy takes a steadying breath.

"No." She doesn't want a drink, thank you. She wants answers. And apparently Tenma wants to provide them, which is... kind of nice of her. Lucy stubbornly remains standing, arms folded over her chest.

Before Tenma starts answering shit, though:

"The last time we talked, Musashi said she had this new sword. It could look into my memories." Lucy swings a dubious, narrow-eyed gaze at Tenma. She really doubts Tenma has any reason to be looking into her memories, but she's paranoid all the same. "Where is it?"

If Tenma sees Lucy's expression when she sees the apartment, the emotions that play across her face, she politely pretends not to notice.

"Suit yourself." She takes a seat, motions for Lucy to do likewise. "I don't intend to keep you waiting long." But Lucy has concerns of her own. Ah yes...that intriguing blade.

She nods to the closed bedroom door. "In there. I haven't touched it." She replies with a small smile. "After all, it's not mine." It hadn't been with her during their fight: Tenma had relied solely on her original swords for that.

"That is a conversation for the two of you, wouldn't you agree, Kushinada-san?" With that assurance out of the way, it's time to get down to it.

"Well then...I know my taking your Musashi's place is an unwelcome surprise. I believe you were told that couldn't happen?" Well...She grins sheepishly, an expression that almost looks familiar. "That wasn't entirely true at the time, though I promise you when Musashi told you that neither she nor I had any intention of letting this happen. I've had my life, and more besides. I am content to sleep, and give up the name Musashi to her. This life is hers...and whoever she chooses to spend it with."

Well, time to come out and say it, if Lucy hasn't already pieced it together herself. "Phantom Cipher didn't do this to us. I am here because Musashi chose to wake me up and let me take over."

Edited 2024-12-30 03:02 (UTC)

Tenma says she hasn't even touched the sword, and...

Despite herself, Lucy believes her. She's not very familiar with Tenma, to say the least, but she does come off as honest. Lucy's pretty good at sniffing out a lie, and there's no trace of one on Tenma. Which is annoying, actually, because Lucy's trying to hate her, she doesn't want to find good qualities, fuck.

Tenma doesn't waste any time, and gets down to the business of explaining shit. Which is good, because Lucy's really not in the mood for small-talk. Her lips thin in irritation when Tenma reveals that Musashi's promise wasn't entirely true; it sounds like that promise was born of intent, not of an absolute impossibility.

And then comes the real fucking hit. Apparently Musashi chose to do this.

Lucy's eyes narrow, mostly to cover up the hurt and surprise. "Why?" she bites out. "She promised me-- and then she goes and does this? She better have had a real fucking good reason."

"She did, but whether or not it was a good reason is up to you." Tenma offers. That's as much as she can do for her other self, explain the circumstances and hope Lucy either accepts them or they can work it out once they've switched back.

"She knew you'd run out into the city, and with everything going on, you might change." Which is in fact what happened, with great speed, as it turned out. "If she went after you and changed too, then...Servants are extremely powerful. If you know Musashi, you know that. If she changed, there was no way to predict what she might become. She might have become me anyway, or she might have become someone a great deal worse. A Berserker in practice as well as name, a towering inferno of rage that lived only to destroy, unable to tell friend from foe. Or a version of herself more like the warlords and conquerors of the feudal era. Someone who might put the entire city in greater danger, and even more than that, someone who might hurt you."

She looks down at the table, and the miniature zen garden. "But what if there was a way to sidestep that problem? What if it were possible to become immune to the change, because she'd already changed? Into a form she knew could be relied upon to act with honour and courage, and who would save the one she'd come to care about so greatly? All that mattered to her was getting you back safe and sound. Even if it wasn't "her" that did it. Look at this."

She gently pushes the zen garden forward a bit in its wooden box. "This was the first gift she received when she arrived here. A miniature zen garden that changes to reflect her mood. And these tiny little blades, when placed with intention, can help sharpen her clarity, focus, aid in her meditation, and fortify her mentally. And, as she discovered early on...shift her into me. A possibly unintended side-effect, but there it was regardless. She assumed at the time however, that there would never come a day when she would need to wake me up, so she set it aside as irrelevant."

She offers Lucy an understanding gaze. "Not exactly what was communicated to you, I gather, but as someone who understands Musashi, I know that in her mind the explanation she gave you was as good as the truth. If the only way to let me take over was to choose to do so via this garden, then she would simply never do that, and all would be well. A Berserker's logic, simple and direct. But, life is rarely that straightforward."

That's all she can do. Hope that Lucy will understand the reasoning that led to Musashi both dismissing the possibility of ever summoning Tenma, and why in the end she decided it was a necessity.

"Now that the immediate threat has passed, I can pass control back to her, and with luck, this will be our first and last meeting. I can tell you I'm very eager for a nice long rest."

She laughs lightly, then looks back up. "I know she'd be very happy to see you here when she comes back, but if you need some time, I'm sure she will understand why." She can tell Lucy is hurt by the revelation that Musashi willingly chose to give up control to Tenma, and even if the reasoning was sound, that doesn't mean it will erase the pain Lucy is feeling.

"No. I'll stay."

It's the only thing Lucy can think of saying. The only thing she should say. There's a million other things she wants to say--

So it's my fault she had to change?

I don't care what her reasons were, she promised me.

If she comes back, I'll forgive her anything.

Why does everyone I love have to sacrifice so much to save me?

But the last one rattles her so much that it stays her tongue. It's been nearly two years since she lost David; one year in Night City and on the moon, and then nearly a year here in Magisteria. Nobody could accuse her of moving on too fast. But sometimes it feels that way. Sometimes it feels like she only lost David yesterday, and that sharpness of sensation has only been made worse by the fact that Smasher's in the city right now, tearing through some mall while the cops try to trap him.

To use the word love for Musashi feels premature, and yet... far truer than Lucy is ready to admit. She shies away from even the thought of it, even as it feels right.

She forces herself to look at Tenma; to really look. It's Musashi's face and voice and body, but everything within has changed, and what looks out of those eyes now is a warrior that just wants to rest. For a moment, Lucy feels horribly selfish -- Tenma is a person, a whole person that Lucy's snapping at to shove herself back into the box of oblivion and go away just so she can get Musashi back.

"Thank you," she says at length. "For the explanation."

She still doesn't think what Musashi did was necessary, though. She should have just fucking stayed in the apartments and let Lucy go be her corrupted self elsewhere. Except then she might have started killing people, and... shit, maybe Musashi had a point. Ugh.

"I guess," she says reluctantly, "if we ever do have to meet again, I wouldn't be too mad. Now that I know you're not some asshole trying to take over."

It's not the most graceful send-off, but it'll have to do.

It's not graceful, and yet Tenma beams all the same at it. "Well, now! What an unexpected parting gift. Thank you, Kushinada-san." Parting on...better terms than she had been expecting. Well, that's not a bad way to go at all. Maybe if they do meet again, it will be under better circumstances.

"Well, no more dawdling. Give me one moment, and I shall return Musashi to you." She offers Lucy one last smile. "Be well, Kushinada-san. Both of you." Then she looks back down at the garden, and humming under her breath, quickly adjusts the placement of the swords, setting them at particular points in the garden.

Then she closes her eyes, puts her palms together, and grows still. Clear the mind. Cut away the excess and embrace emptiness. It will be good to sleep again.

And as Tenma begins to fade, the tempest rises to meet her, and for a moment, they are side by side.

It was fun. What a world this place is! Live well, my other half. For both of us.

Tenma begins to glow, her expression of serenity disappearing into light as she becomes too bright to see properly. The light radiates around the apartment for a few seconds, and then just as suddenly, fades. When it clears, it's no longer Tenma sitting on the couch; the shaggier, more unkempt hair, and the powder-blue kimono with the familiar spider-lily design tied at the waist with a red obi.

And when she opens her eyes and sees Lucy, she breaks out into that familiar grin, wide and unrestrained and Musashi immediately hops to her feet.

"Lucy-chan!"

Even though Tenma said that she'll bring Musashi back, part of Lucy is still fully convinced it'll never happen. She watches Tenma settle at the miniature garden, half-convinced it's some bullshit that'll end... how? With Tenma just pretending to be Musashi? Smirking at Lucy and saying she's never coming back? Walking out and claiming Musashi's life?

Nothing seems to happen for a while, and then light starts creeping over Tenma's body, so bright that Lucy has to raise a hand to shade her eyes. Abruptly, it's gone, and when Lucy looks, blinking to clear her vision--

It's Musashi.

It's not just Tenma pretending. It really is Musashi, with her rumpled hair and her kimono and her big stupid grin.

Relief hits Lucy so hard that her heart lurches with it, breath whistling out of her like she's been gutpunched. And it's at that moment that Lucy realizes that, no matter what she'd said to Tenma, she'd really been wholeheartedly expecting she'd never get Musashi back. Like she'd been in pre-mourning already, even before she'd known for sure.

There's a million things Lucy could say here. She could be her usual cool self, acting casual, like it's no big deal. She could thank Musashi for doing what she did. She could yell at her for doing what she did. Instead, the only thing that seems to make sense is crossing the apartment, eyes wide and intent, grabbing a double handful of the front of that kimono and yanking Musashi in for a kiss.

It's not storybook. Lucy's all teeth and desperation, one hand winding around the back of Musashi's neck to push her fingertips into soft blonde hair, grabbing tight like she's trying to prove that Musashi's not just going to vanish.

It's like passing someone in a hallway, and a note being slipped from one hand to the other in the split-second you pass each other by. It's a little snippet of information, enough to form a blurry image of what went on while Tenma was in control. Not memories so much as blurry videos through a television screen. There was a fight. Tenma encountered Gilgamesh too, not the Caster she knows, but another Gilgamesh, cold and mighty, the absolute king of the world.

She knows that Lucy was saved, if not by Tenma's hand then by someone else, and that is all that matters when she sees the Edgerunner across the apartment, safe and herself again. But when Lucy begins crossing towards her, expression unreadable and steps purposeful, her smile fades just a bit. She knows she broke her promise, and that having to interact with Tenma was probably not a pleasant experience for her, but Musashi only wanted to ensure that she'd be safe, and the city wouldn't be facing down another King of Heroes, or whatever twisted version of her Phantom Cipher might have turned her into.

But she's determined to let Lucy say whatever it is she needs to say, do whatever it is she needs to do. They can go from there. A slap? A hug? A slap and a hug?

She's not expecting Lucy to grab her by the kimono, pull her forward with a hungry desperation...and kiss her, reaching up to grab her hair with her hand, as though trying to ensure Musashi won't just disappear or turn back, just keep her here in this moment.

Musashi does what she can to help with that, wrapping her arms around Lucy's waist and pulling her closer, so their bodies can be in direct contact with each other, so Lucy can feel her, her heat, her presence, her...her love. To reassure her that she's here, she's staying, she's not going to go away.

Musashi's never actually done this before. Tenma could certainly appreciate a beautiful maiden or handsome warrior, even take enjoyment of the view, but she never viewed pursuit of anything but the mastery of the twin swords important, or a necessity. She had lived the pure life of one devoted solely to mastering her art, and through that art, enlightenment. It wasn't until the first time her Spirit Core changed and she became herself that the idea of sharing a life, a passionate romance like the old epics, started to have any appeal, and the Waxing Moon Ritual allowed no time for that. And that experience had been all too brief, until Magisteria, when she had truly, finally become Musashi for good, separate and whole from Tenma and not just a facet of her.

So if Lucy is all teeth and desperation, Musashi is earnest and inexperienced. She deepens the kiss in return, as best she can, and leans back, lifting Lucy up off her feet and turning slowly because they've both waited so long for this moment, they deserve for it to be everything they want it to be, and Lucy deserves to be up among the clouds. She deserves to fly.

When the kiss breaks apart, Musashi does not pull back much. Her lips are electric, buzzing in a way she never knew they could, and still thrumming with the taste of Lucy upon them, and violet, electric eyes.

"Hey."

She's lifted up, and by instinct, Lucy wraps her legs around Musashi's waist, ankles crossed at the berserker's spine, both hands cradling the back of Musashi's skull. She pours into the kiss everything that she has; her rage, her loss, her affection.

When Musashi pulls back, they don't part very far, still sharing the same air. Lucy shudders a sigh into that space.

"Hey," she breathes. Eyes wide, staring at Musashi like she's the only thing worth beholding in this universe, like there's an empty space inside of her that only the sight of a freshly-kissed Musashi will fill. Intent, gaze flickering over every detail of Musashi's face.

She really thought she'd lost her. In the end, Tenma hadn't been too bad, but Lucy's a pessimist. Shit changes for the worse, she's going to believe shit's staying changed. She'd taken one look at Tenma and something inside of her had screamed that Musashi was never coming back, just like David was never coming back, just like Maine and Dorio and Kiwi and Rebecca and Pilar. Because that's just how her life goes, isn't it?

Except Musashi came back.

"You-- fucking asshole." It comes out choked. "You courageous fucking idiot. You brave, self-sacrificing, short-circed--"

Lucy cuts herself off by swooping in for another kiss, needing Musashi's lips against hers more than she needs air.

She's beautiful. Staring up into her electric eyes, Musashi takes in the sight of Lucy like she's never allowed herself to before, to really drink in her features, the way her hair falls across her forehead and frames her face, the way her lips part slightly after the kiss, even the little movements of her throat...they're all beautiful. She's beautiful.

Her beautiful Lucy, who lives on the edge and dances in the digital.

But as she breaks down in Musashi's arms, choking out her anger and praise in equal measure, Musashi begins to understand the desperate need Lucy has for her, the hungry way in which she was pulled in for the kiss, and the sheer ferocity of the emotions behind it.

Lucy really thought she was never going to come back, didn't she? Of course she did. How could Musashi not have foreseen that. She knew Tenma would switch back, knew her other self to be an honourable soul at heart who had lived enough already, but Lucy, frightened and having lost people already, had no way of knowing that. No reason to trust that Tenma's return was only temporary. No reason to believe she wouldn't lose Musashi the way she lost Rebecca...and others besides.

But the realization is drowned in another fierce kiss, and Musashi is eager to return it in equal passion and intensity, more confident now in herself and in what she wants to give Lucy.

It also manages to elicit a small whimper of pleasure from Musashi as they do so. Oh gods, this is what Tenma denied herself? Her grip tightens on Lucy's back, grabbing the material of her top in her grip, wanting to keep her close.

When the kiss finally breaks again, and Musashi's breath is ragged and heavy, it takes her a moment to find her voice.

"Lucy...I would have torn myself out of her to come back to you if she had decided she preferred to stay." That's not fair to Tenma of course, who never harboured such intentions, but it's the truth regardless, and what Lucy needs to hear. In her rush, Musashi had never considered how alone Lucy must really feel, and all the people who would have had to have left her one way or another for that...

"My other self, that gonk Smasher, Phantom Cipher, no one would stop me from coming back to you. My life does not belong to them. It is not theirs to take, and it is not mine to give it to them. To let them have it would be the greatest dishonour." She closes her eyes and leans forward, resting her forehead against her lover's.

"My life belongs to you, Lucy Kushinada, and you alone. Nothing will ever keep me from returning to your side."

Though an awful shudder runs through Lucy at the mention of Smasher's name, she can't look away from Musashi fierce gaze, the shape of her lips as she's sounding out promises that sound sweet and determined and impossible. This close, their foreheads pressed together, Lucy imagines she can almost hear Musashi's heartbeat, the sound of air rushing in and out of her lungs, a biological signature from the same body but a different mind. The urge to shake her and yell at her and futilely beat her fists against Musashi's chest is slowly fading.

"I'm gonna hold you to that, you know." Her voice is shaking, but she can't help the warmth in her eyes, a spark of affection amidst the howling void of almost-loss.

She eases down to stand on her own two feet, hands easing down from cradling Musashi's skull to her spine, to the small of her back, clutching at her kimono. This past week has been a lot -- Smasher, and the corruption in the city, getting corrupted herself, and not to mention that Smasher is still out there somewhere, still haunting Lucy's every thought -- but here she can find some measure of solace. In Musashi's arms, it's so easy to feel safe.

Just to double-check, she cradles Musashi's cheek in her palm, drawing back to study her eyes.

"Fuck." It's only then that the tears spill over, leaving streaks of red eyeliner down her cheeks. Lucy breathes out a wobbly laugh. "Shit, I can't believe you came back. You're really here. I was sure-- I guess I shouldn't have doubted you."

The shudder that escapes Lucy when the hated name comes up prompts Musashi to rub the Edgerunner's back, a calming, reassuring gesture. Smasher is out there, in the city somewhere. Later will come the news stories that a hover car broke the cordon around the mall, footage of Smasher boarding it on the roof, taken from nearby buildings, his chassis scorched and half his face gone, disappearing into the depths of the city. Someone hurt him. The full-borged boogeyman might have had his fun, but there on the screen is the proof he's not invincible. He got hurt. Musashi will want to know who did that. It's someone she will want to introduce to Lucy.

But that will come later. Now, Musashi will offer comfort, a gesture of reassurance he isn't here, can't take this moment from them.

When Lucy studies her face, staring deep into Musashi's eyes, the Berserker leans into her touch, gently nuzzling her cheek against Lucy's hand, smiling contentedly at the sensation. Lucy has nice hands.

The laugh is painful, but relieved, and yet a painful reminder of what Musashi's impetuous action did to Lucy. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to make you think I was gone. I knew I could trust Tenma, but...if I had stopped to think for just a moment, I might have realized...I never want to be the cause of your tears."

She runs a hand through Lucy's silvery hair, letting her fingers brush lightly through, with a thoughtful expression. Time to be brave. To more properly articulate the wish she'd spoken of before, on the aXess.

"Hey, Lucy...I know there's pain in your past. Hard things. I know you've lost people." Rebecca she knows, saw the memory of her last conversation, felt the weight of Lucy's regret of all the things left unsaid, and how brightly she died, a last moment of defiance.

Smasher killed her, but Rebecca did not give him her fear, wouldn't let him have that which he craved. And that defiance is worthy of respect, from one warrior to another.

But Rebecca wasn't the only one, of that Musashi feels in her bones. Lucy has lost so many more than just her, and each loss deadened her sense of hope. And the way Rebecca's voice glitched, concealing a memory so deeply, tightly locked away that not even the sword could draw it out unbidden, speaking of a loss beyond all others.

And the shadow of someone Musashi had not realized she had been standing in the whole time as she and Lucy grew closer.

"I wanna be the one you can share that with." Musashi continues. "To know your sorrows as much as your joys. I wanna to know about the ones you cared for, because they're the people who helped you become you."

She pulls back a bit, sliding her hands down to take Lucy's in her own. "You've carried so much for so long...more than anyone should have to bear. So, if there ever comes a time when you think you can speak of them, I'd like to listen. So I can help you bear it all. And...help you keep their memories alive, if you'd allow me that privilege."

She smiles again, and her own eyes are glistening now. Musashi has jumped into battle against deadly, unimaginable odds without hesitation, yet to ask for this, to help ease Lucy's pain...this, Musashi feared. Feared that it might cause her to lose Lucy, to drive her away for good.

Maybe if she'd been braver, they could have been ready when Smasher was air-dropped into their lives like a nightmare made real.

Edited 2025-01-27 07:50 (UTC)

Musashi speaks, and a dawning horror crests so sharply in Lucy that she can taste it in the back of her throat. In all the chaos, she'd almost forgotten the memory the sword had shared between them, a piece of herself that she's been desperately trying to keep from everyone else here, but especially from Musashi.

She just can't shake the feeling that if she tells, then Musashi will meet the same fate. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, an ouroborous of fucked up shit that happens to everybody she loves. But if she can keep it a secret, if she never speaks about it and the universe never hears her, then she can keep Musashi safe -- and Lucy knows it's probably bullshit, but it's what her gut keeps telling her.

And yet, as she stares into those bright blue eyes, and Musashi says impossibly kind, generous, loving things, Lucy finds herself wanting to tell her.

Would it be a relief? Would it be like setting down a burden and allowing someone else to help carry it? Or would the telling of it be like a poison, infecting the thing tentatively blooming between them?

"I--" Lucy starts, lost, so many wants and instincts battling within her that she doesn't even know what she wants to say. She squeezes Musashi's hands so hard her knuckles go white, and takes comfort in the fact that Musashi's strong enough to bear it. Her heart is hammering so loudly in her chest that she can barely hear anything else, fear tingling through every one of her nerves. She feels like she's at a precipice: she could tell Musashi everything, here and now. For a wild moment, she almost feels courageous enough to do it, fueled by fuck it might as well in the midst of a tangle of conflicting emotions.

In the next second, all of that bravado drains as quickly as it came, and Lucy makes the coward's choice.

"Later." Lucy ducks her head, both utterly certain she's making the right choice, and embarrassed by it. "I-- can't. Not yet. I'm not strong enough." She draws in a deep breath. "But... I will. I want to. Eventually."

Musashi hadn't expected Lucy would reveal all right there and then. It's so much, even just from the snippet Musashi saw, too much, and Lucy has lived with it too long. It's enough for now that Musashi makes her intentions plain and clear, that she wants to be the one Lucy can reveal herself fully too, the one she can fully let down the walls around her heart to. So that when she is ready, Musashi will be there.

But even the stating of that intention causes Lucy obvious distress, reminds her of the sword and what Musashi saw. If Musashi were a normal human, Lucy's grip would be quite uncomfortable! And yet, for a second, there's something in her expression that makes Musashi wonder if Lucy will tell her, perhaps buoyed by the support and care being shown...

...but instead she bows her head and says she's not ready yet. She wants to, but...not now. "That's okay. When you're ready." She assures, and yet Musashi feels there is a point that must be addressed. She raises a hand to Lucy's chin a gently raises it up so she can meet her gaze.

"You're stronger than you think you are, Lucy-chan." It sounds trite and cliché, but when Musashi says it, she does so with utter conviction and belief, and she won't let anyone tell Lucy otherwise.

Including Lucy herself.

Then she leans in for another kiss, so Lucy has something else to focus on, and because it is criminal, simply criminal that Musashi hasn't been the one to kiss Lucy yet.

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